Sry I called you an 8
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
