I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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