My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
