I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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