my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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