I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
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You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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