Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
