the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
