he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
