It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
