I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
