Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
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What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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