he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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