I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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