I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
