Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
