Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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