OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
