Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize