I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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