You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
someone owes me an orgasm
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
