We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
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Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
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somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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