one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
