Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
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I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
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Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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