i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
