omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
