I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
