I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize