i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
where does the pee come out of this thing
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
