Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
