Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
