My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
