There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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