just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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