I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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