Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
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she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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