I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
vagina is talking i cant
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
