Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
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You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
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How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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