Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
