Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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