i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
