and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
