I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
