it was like eating out sand paper
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
