Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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