if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
