I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
