omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
