Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
