Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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