I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
