i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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