Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
