just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
