i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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