we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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