ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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