At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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