I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
