The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
