I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
