Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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