Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
