I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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