btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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