Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
