Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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