well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
