I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
