Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
