I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
